Today is the day I won't die.

Hmm. I'm pretty sure I'm supposed to write something of my life right now, but I don't feel like it. I'm still in a pretty depressive mood right now, so I'll write about something that I feel like writing about. If you're disappointed, well sorry but its not you're blog so get lost.

I remember hearing on the radio (NPR) one afternoon in the car with my brother about a guy hitting a girl on a bike while he was driving. She ended up dying, and he talked about how much of his life was haunted by the memory of his cause in her death. One thing that stuck out in this story was that she had written in her diary on the day of the crash the words "I am going to die," and how this changed the man's perspective of her mindset on that day, creating a convenient excuse to the story that she purposely caused her death. Later on, he realized that the diary could have meant "I am going to die someday."

I think about death every now and then, and have done so for as long as I have started understanding it. The reason why I decided to write my first true blog entry centering around it is because every time I get into a depressive mode, I start thinking about death, life, and suicide. I know this is a usual thing that occurs to people with bad cases of diagnosed depression, so its not such a big surprise. But i never take myself seriously when I'm thinking like that. Because I'm fucking terrified of death.

I don't believe in heaven, hell, corporeal reincarnation, ghosts, God, gods, angels, demons, and etc. I believe that when you die, that's it. Just a numb, black silence. And well, I think its a bunch better than what most of the other options are. It really doesn't sound that bad. And by itself, I don't mind it.

What I do mind is that my life is personified by regrets. I don't want to die because I haven't lived yet.

Ah well. I'm not sure what I wanted to do with this blog. I guess I'm kind of disappointed in it. Another regret to add to the list? Perhaps. But I'm going to post this anyways, because I have a feeling that this won't be the last time I go off on a random tangent like this.

Thanks for reading, you non-existent people out there. Hopefully I'll do one I really like tomorrow. Goodnight.